A man was looking for a new pet, so he went to his local pet shop to see what they had on offer. He was shown a cute Chinchilla then a homely Hamster even a tactile Tortoise but somehow they didn?t have that little something extra he was looking for????

The Pet Shop owner then said to the man ?Look its been a tough week for me and we haven?t sold anything at all over the past week, I know you are looking for something a little different but I was hoping to keep my newest acquisition for myself, But it may be just what you are looking for? Mind you its not cheap it is the only one of its kind in the world! Would you like to come through the back and see it?

Well the man was now intrigued by the pet shop owner?s words and agreed to come through into the back of the shop to see this strange and unique animal??

As they reached the back of the shop passing all manor of quacks and chirps and squeaks with snorts they came to stop at what appeared to be a covered bird cage.

?Now look here Shop keeper! I do not think I will be wasting any more time here on some little bird!? the man said as he began to turn to leave The pet shop owner spoke in a hushed voice ?This is no ordinary little bird Sir, This is The famous Fighting Budgie ! ? With this statement the prospective buyer stopped in his tracks and turned back to the pet shop owner and said not so softly ?Did you say A Fighting Budgie!!!

?SHHHHHHHHHH Sir Please! Not so loud? in a panicked voice we do not want this to get out to anyone!!! you do not know what kind of unscrupulous trader could be lurking out there just waiting to get their hands on this little beauty!!!!!!!!!

The buyer now raised an eyebrow inquisitively towards the shopkeeper then nodded towards the cage ?lets have a look at this budgie then?

The pet shop owner then turned back to the cage and began to remove the cover as he peeled it back it revealed a small powder blue budgie sleeping in the corner of the cage.

?That?s it ? That?s the Fighting Budgie ? ? SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the shop keeper said with a raised voice himself ?Sir you really must keep your voice down we don?t want to upset him do we!!!!!!?

The buyer now took a closer look at the cage for this was no ordinary budgie?s cage no this was a cage that was laid out like a boxing gym there was a boxing ring in the cage a speed ball along with several punch bags and several other small pieces of equipment also a small bell was placed on the outside of the cage with a small inscription on it which said ?Seconds Away????????

?Wow the man said to the pet shop owner it is laid out like a Boxing Gym !!!!!!!!

?Yes sir if he was a Hairdressing Budgie it would probably be laid out as a beauty salon but he is a fighting budgie so it?s a gym for him? the pet shop owner replied somewhat sarcastically.

?Okay then he doesn?t seem to be very active though does he! Look he is just sleeping in the corner there on that tiny bench? The buyer moaned??

?That?s because he has been training all morning and now he is resting up before his next training session which if we are lucky is going to be very soon?

Both the men then waited and watched the sleeping budgie in silence, Then after a minute or so the little blue budgie began to stir and rise from the little bench stretching out his wings and giving a big yawn as he did so.

He slowly got to his feet and rubbed his little face as if wiping the sleep from his eyes, The little budgie then swaggered across to his water feeder and washed his face and gargled some of the water before spitting it into a bucket to the side.

Then the budgie began to jog up and down on the spot doing strong arm exercises after a minute of this he grabbed a small skipping rope and began to skip just like a boxer would this was followed by ten minutes on the punch bag and another ten on the speed bag before he climbed in the small boxing ring and began to shadow box around the ring????????????

?That?s absolutely amazing the prospective buyer said and then added I must have him how much is he ? The pet shop owner said ?Look sir I do not think that I should sell him to you now, this is a bird that could give you a lot of problems it is a difficult pet and could be more suited to a specialist collector really?

?No No make no mistake here I will be an excellent owner just name your price I really do have to own this bird!?

The pet shop owner then turned towards the budgie and spoke to him ?Hey Champ would you like to go with this man he will treat you well!? The little budgie stopped shadow boxing and grabbed a small towel wiping his brow and in his best London accent spoke ?Sniff Sniff Yeah Sure Ive stayed in a few dumps in my time but this gaff is way down there and this lot in ear are well noisy and the bleedin Rabbit don?t stop farting either! The geezer looks kosher we can give im a go! Sniff Sniff? with that the budgie turned back to the ring and grabbed the small skipping rope once more and began to skip???.

?Sir this bird is not cheap and like I said he is unique and so the price is very high!? ?He he T T T T Talks as well !!!? the man stuttered out ?oh my this is absolutely amazing now name your price I must have him?

The pet shop owner said ten thousand pounds and with out flinching the man wrote out a cheque and took the cage away as he was leaving the shop the owner handed over a small book that contained all the information that the new budgie owner would need to know????


As the days and weeks past buy the man was still fascinated by his purchase and had read the small book through and all was going well, and after a strenuous training session the budgie shouted up to the man ?Sniff Sniff Oi Geezer I could murder a pint mate! any chance we could nip down your local for a swift one? Sniff Sniff?
After the man had consulted the book and found it did not say he couldn?t go to the pub or have a drink decided to take the budgie down to the pub????.

At the pub he saw all of his friends and they all commented that they hadn?t seen him for a while and remarked on the covered cage at the bar where he told them it was his new pet he pulled back the cover from the cage to reveal the budgie inside who was smacking his lips looking towards the Barmaid, ?Well champ what will it be?? the man said to the budgie who immediately gave the man a thimble and said ?Sniff Sniff Lager mate come on! me belly thinks me froats bin cut Sniff Sniff?

With this the man took the thimble and filled it with lager from his glass giving it back to the bird who downed it in one and said to the man keep them coming me old son and after seventeen thimbles full later the bird sat down on his bench and gave one enormous ???? before falling unconscious?..

You brought a drinking budgie mate his friends all cried laughing No No he is a Fighting Budgie! He is amazing he works out in the ring and everything???

With these words uttered a dishevelled man sitting in the corner got up from his chair and walked over to see the bird?.. ?I have a bird that will beat your little budgie real bad mate!? the dishevelled man said and I am willing to bet on it what do you say? Well after already drinking a few beers to many the budgies owner was not thinking to straight and readily agreed to the contest to take place the following evening in the pub.

When both the man and the budgie awoke the next day they both had hangovers ?Oh me aching ed? The budgie moaned ?yes me too? the man said then as he slipped back into reality and he then remembered that he had accepted the challenge of the budgie having a fight?.. ?OH No Champ I have got you into a fight tonight I am so sorry!? the budgie looked at the man and seemed to smile and said ?Sniff Sniff Well me old mate it?s about bleedin time, fought I had retired since being ere I ad Sniff Sniff? and with that he began to get into his ring and began to shadow box??..

The evening rolled around and the budgie was taken too the pub for the big event and word had travelled fast about the contest and sure enough the dishevelled man was there with a cage at the bar and came over to the budgie?s cage ?Right then I will put up five thousand pounds that my bird will beat the budgie he pronounced to the throng assembled and then brought over his bird cage which housed a Kestrel inside.

?Bloody Hell We cant fight that it will kill him!!!!!? the budgie?s owner cried out.
A deal is a deal the dishevelled man replied and with this the budgie waved his owner down to him and spoke ?Sniff Sniff Look me old china I can take him but he needs to go in my ring okay Sniff Sniff? Are you sure Champ ? but the budgie was already of shadow boxing in his ring.

So it was agreed the kestrel would go into the budgie?s ring and when they were ready a hush fell upon the pub and the budgie pointed towards the small bell on the cage and his owner rang it DING DING????????..

Both the budgie and the kestrel flew at each other and in a cloud of dust and feathers squawks and sparks it was over in seconds as the smoke and dust settled the Kestrel was lying face down on the floor of the ring and the small budgie was still shadow boxing around the ring.

The dishevelled man handed over the money and walked away and the budgie and his owner celebrated with a drink. As they did, another even more dishevelled man came over to him and said Ive got a bird that will beat your budgie if you would care to take the wager? The man looked at his budgie and asked him what he thought??
?Sniff Sniff yes mate bring him on Sniff Sniff?

The following night everyone assembled back in the pub and sure enough the even more dishevelled man was there with a cage and inside the cage was a Sparrow Hawk.

?Bloody Hell We cant fight that it will kill him!!!!!? The budgie?s owner cried out !!! a deal is a deal the even more dishevelled man replied and with this the budgie waved his owner down to him and spoke ?Sniff Sniff Look squire I can take him but he needs to go in my ring okay Sniff Sniff? Are you sure Champ ? but again the budgie was off shadow boxing in his ring.

So it was agreed the Sparrow Hawk would go into the budgie?s ring and when they were ready a hush fell upon the pub and the budgie pointed towards the small bell on the cage and his owner rang it DING DING????????..

Both the budgie and the sparrow hawk flew at each other and in a cloud of dust and feathers squawks and sparks it was over and as the smoke and dust cleared the sparrow hawk was lying face down on the floor of the ring and the small budgie was still shadow boxing around the ring.

The even more dishevelled man handed over the money and walked away and the budgie and his owner celebrated with another drink. As they did yet another now even more dishevelled man than the last one came over to him and said Ive got a bird that will beat your budgie if you would care to take the wager? The man looked at his budgie and asked him what he thought??

?Sniff Sniff yes mate no probs bring him on Sniff Sniff?

The following night everyone assembled back in the pub and sure enough the even more dishevelled man than the last one was there with a cage and inside the cage was a Peregrine Falcon .

?Bloody Hell We cant fight that it will kill him!!!!!? The budgie?s owner cried out !!! a deal is a deal the even more dishevelled man than the last one replied and with this the budgie waved his owner down to him and spoke ?Sniff Sniff Look Guv I can take him but he needs to go in my ring okay Sniff Sniff? Are you sure Champ ? But once more the budgie was off shadow boxing in his ring.

So it was agreed the peregrine falcon would go into the budgie?s ring and when they were ready a hush fell upon the pub and the budgie pointed towards the small bell on the cage and his owner rang it DING DING????????..

Both the budgie and the peregrine falcon flew at each other and in a cloud of dust and feathers squawks and sparks it was over and as the smoke and dust settled the peregrine falcon was lying face down on the floor of the ring and the small budgie was still shadow boxing around the ring.

The even more dishevelled man than the last one handed over the money and walked away and the budgie and his owner celebrated with yet another drink. As they did yet another and the most dishevelled man that had ever been seen in the pub came over to him and said Ive got a bird that will beat your budgie if you would care to take the wager? The man looked at his budgie and asked him what he thought??

?Sniff Sniff yes mate I am okay never broke a sweat there bring him on Sniff Sniff?

The following night everyone assembled back in the pub and sure enough the most dishevelled man that had ever been seen in the pub was there with a cage and inside the cage was a Red Kite .

?Bloody Hell We cant fight that it will kill him!!!!!? the budgie?s owner cried out !!! a deal is a deal the most dishevelled man that had ever been seen in the pub replied and with this the budgie waved his owner down to him and spoke ?Sniff Sniff Look me mucker I can take him but he needs to go in my ring okay Sniff Sniff? Are you sure Champ he is very big? But once more the budgie was off shadow boxing in his ring.

So it was agreed the red kite would go into the budgie?s ring and when they were ready a hush fell upon the pub and the budgie pointed towards the small bell on the cage and his owner rang it DING DING????????..

Both the budgie and the red kite flew at each other and in a cloud of dust and feathers squawks and sparks and when the dust and smoke settled the red kite was lying face down on the floor of the ring and the small budgie was still shadow boxing around the ring looking a little worse for wear this time but still the champ.

The most dishevelled man that had ever been seen in the pub handed over the money and walked away and the budgie and his owner celebrated with yet another drink. As they did another man now came over to them who was smoking a big cigar and wore a big brimmed hat and said Ive got a bird that will beat your budgie if you would care to take the wager? The man looked at his budgie and asked him what he thought??

?Sniff Sniff yes mate I am okay pushed me a bit that one but bring him on Sniff Sniff?

The following night everyone assembled back in the pub and sure enough the man still smoking a big cigar and wearing a wide brimmed hat was there with a cage and inside the cage was an American Bald Eagle .

?Bloody Hell We cant fight that it will kill him!!!!!? the Budgie?s owner cried out !!! a deal is a deal the man still smoking a big cigar and wearing a wide brimmed hat replied and with this the budgie waved his owner down to him and spoke ?Sniff Sniff Look me Chief I can take him but he needs to go in my ring okay Sniff Sniff? Are you sure Champ he is huge those claws are bigger than you? but once more the budgie was off shadow boxing in his ring.

So it was agreed the american bald eagle would go into the budgie?s ring and when they were ready a hush fell upon the pub and the budgie pointed towards the small bell on the cage and his owner rang it DING DING????????..

Both the budgie and the american bald eagle flew at each other and in a cloud of dust and feathers squawks and sparks it was over and as the dust settled it was the american bald eagle that was lying face down on the floor of the ring and the small Budgie was still shadow boxing around the ring all be it decidedly looking a lot worse for wear and a few feathers short from his head this time but still he was the champ.

The man still smoking a big cigar and wearing a wide brimmed hat handed over the money and walked away and the budgie and his owner celebrated with yet another drink. As they did a hooded figure appeared from nowhere and said in a cold and eerie voice that he had a bird that would beat the budgie if you would care to take the wager? What is the wager the man asked and the answer was one million pounds if you win but your souls if you lose!!!! The man looked at his budgie and asked him what he thought??

?Sniff Sniff yes mate I am okay I was pushed a bit in the last one but bring him on Sniff Sniff?

The following night everyone assembled back in the pub and sure enough the hooded figure that appeared from nowhere and spoke in a cold and eerie voice was there with a cage and inside the cage was a Golden Condor.

?Bloody Hell We cant fight that it will surely kill him!!!!!? The budgie?s owner cried out !!! a deal is a deal the hooded figure that appeared from nowhere and spoke in a cold and eerie voice replied and with this the budgie waved his owner down to him and spoke ?Sniff Sniff Look Bruv I can take him but he needs to go in my ring okay Sniff Sniff? Are you sure Champ he is the biggest thing I have ever seen? but once more the budgie was off shadow boxing in his ring.

But the hooded figure that appeared from nowhere and spoke in a cold and eerie voice did not agree to the Condor going into the budgie?s cage and that they would have to enter the Condor?s lair?????. ?Well what do you think Champ do you want to go in there? The budgie swaggered over to the condor?s cage with total bravado and eyed up the monstrous bird ?He don?t look so tough yeah Ill go in the cage?

So it was agreed the budgie would go into the condor?s cage and when they were ready a hush fell upon the pub and the budgie looked up at the sneering condor and said Your Going Down!!!!!!! And then pointed towards the small bell on his own cage and his owner rang it DING DING????????..

Both the budgie and the condor flew at each other and in a cloud of dust and feathers squawks and sparks biffs and bashes screams and cackles it went on and on and then after ten minutes there was silence and the smoke and dust began to settle and drift down to reveal the condor lying on the floor of the cage and the budgie then staggered from the wreckage without a feather left on his body he was wobbling around like a party jelly his beak looked busted and his eyes were blackened, his owner rushed to the cage door and cried Champ Champ are you okay ??????.. and the budgie Replied?????

Yeah but I had to take my coat off to that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Oh dear the classic long drawn out one liner I laughed so much writing this I almost wet myself?????????..

Teale Ace Duck Reporter.................

Teale